By Subhash K. Jha, IANS Very few filmmakers would be able to turn Sooraj Barjatya's popular family fable "Hum Aapke Hain Kaun" into a crashing bore. But G. Krishna seems up to the task.The clumsy adaptation of Barjatya's film has no raison d'etre.Fortunately, the film's hero Arjun (Dino Morea) seems to know more about acting than its makers. On a trip to "Lucknow" (actually shot in and around Hyderabad) Arjun sees Khushboo, falls in love, and... nothing! For what seems like stretches of yawning eternity, the film focuses on a clan of deliriously gesticulating kids and kin who try unsuccessfully to be cute and naughty.Once it's established that the scion of Vikram Gokhale's Hindu clan is in love with a woman from Alok Nath's extended family (don't try counting the chicken in this poultry-farm of a joint family) there's nothing more to say.The characters who jump into the frames like monkeys at their street-act keep chattering nineteen to a "dozing". After a while our eyelids drop in direct proportion to the moving jaws that infest this verbose, outdated family drama.Barjatya could get away with his story-less, home-video format of story telling in "Hum Aapke Hain Kaun" because he's an adept storyteller. Director Krishna thinks idiosyncratic dialogues (by Raman Bharadwaj) can get audiences interested in the romance-and-marriage formula. Regrettably, both the romance and the wedding at the backdrop are embarrassingly blotchy.No film in recent time has looked so uninviting. The frames seem to be sapped of all colour. So dull is the narration that for once, we actually look forward to the song breaks. Himesh Reshammiya's songs are the sole melodic stopover. The performances are suitably shrill. Tiku Talsania as the stereotypical "gay bachelor" (strictly in the old world sense) serves as the plot's crisis point. But he's not equal to the task of crisis management. The crises are cryptic. Other than talking too much and too loudly no one seems to know what the characters' problems are. Dino and Bipasha as the coy lovebirds are not as awkward doing a Salman Khan and Madhuri Dixit as we'd have imagined. While Bipasha carries off the dance drama with saucy élan, you wish she had elected to let her hair down at a better opportunity.Dino again displays a natural flair for subtle banter. He's almost the new-millennium equivalent of Rishi Kapoor in those fun filled musicals of the 1970s. Unfortunately for Dino, the makers of "Ishq Hai Tumse" take the storytelling back to those days to create an effect that's quite the opposite of nostalgia.So what's the film about? There's a kidney transplantation and a topographical aberration (Hyderabad serves as Lucknow and Switzerland serves as both in the songs). Actually this isn't a love story at all. It's a devious mystery tale where all the characters are told to pretend they're in "Hum Aapke Hain Kaun".
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