MACHINE Movie Review: AAH TERI LIPSTICK, UFF TERA KAJAL



Machine
Director : Abbas-Mustan
Music : Tanishk Bagchi, Komail-Shivaan, Dr Zeus and Viju Shah
Lyrics : Arafat Mehmood, Niket Pandey, Ikka and Jasmine Sandlas
Starring : Mustafa and Kiara Advani

March 17, 2017 11:37:48 AM IST
Machine Review By Vishal Verma, Glamsham Editorial
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That's it. Look no further. The year's most unreal and surreal piece of chunk (strangely which has got mistaken as cinema) is here. Fear and torture come with different names and this time it's the Burmawalla duo - Abbas Abbas-Mustan's MACHINE. sink sink.

zip zap zoom... a bala by the name Sarah ( Kiara Advani) rescues the ansh ( read son of Abbas from the Abbas Mustan duo - Mustafa ) called by the name Ransh in the movie from an accident and we witness the most unconvincing example of love at first sight. Believe it or not, the erstwhile popular mystery and crime genre entertainers of Bollywood - the acclaimed Men in White (Burmawalla Brothers - Abbas Mustan) are certain to land their viewers in such a miserable plight. We see the expected thrill from their school of cinema gone missing in this picturesque alp to chill somewhere else for the entire 2 hours and 20+ minutes duration. Yeh cringe badi hai mast mast. Mind it. Forget it.

MACHINE MOVIE POSTERSMACHINE MOVIE POSTERS

Writer Sanjeev Kaul in this story sends us the weirdest reminders of Bollywood's top grosser starting with Abbas Mustan's BAAZIGAR. Sara and Ansh participate in a RACE after Ansh is rescued by Sara (sadly for the audience the damage has already happened) and for a twist, Ansh wins it and releases this first surreal gem from his mouth in the name of dialogue, he says, ''Main break par paaon nahi rakhtaa....kyunki mujhe maut se daar nahi lagtaa'. Suddenly the A. R. Rahman number 'Mustafa Mustafa don't worry Mustafa' started ringing in my ears and for a while I just got transported to another world and convinced myself that the unit of MACHINE must be playing this song to convince, motivate and charge everyone to continue working for this ultimate crap of the year.

Sara's world is surrounded by her BFF Aditya (Eshan Shankar another debutant), Lucky (Rishabh Arora), Vicky (Mayuresh Wadkar), Siddharth (Shabbir Burmawala) and another girl played by a wannabe (let it be). Lets come to the point, Ansh makes an entry in the world of Sara and we find Aditya and Vicky in love with Sara. One writes letters in blood while the other stalks her and post videos of her doing yoga.. kya pyaar hoga.. but Sara believes all this is done by Ansh (why -asking such questions are strictly prohibited) and one day when the writer of the love letter Aditya is about to meet Sara an accident happens killing Aditya on the spot and the culprit is Vicky. Toh bacha kaun ( so who is left?). Sara and Ansh come together and they get married but before that Ansh delivers the topper of all surreal lines and says, ''mein tumhari lipstick toh gandi kar sakta hu par tumhare kaajal ko kabhi kharab nahi karunga ( baby, I can spoil your lipstick but will never ever cause any damage to your kohl) bas ab bas no More.. is the cry from our heart as we burst out laughing at this unintentionally funny situation we are in. But darling it's just a beginning.

A smiling Ronit Roy (yes he can smile on screen is confirmed) makes an entry and things go hay wire in this big mess that mashes up the entire scenario with horrible inspirations from KOYLA, KAHO NA PYAAR HAI, KHOON BHARI MANG and of course BAZIGAAR we already mentioned earlier. Things move to Georgia and the top 'lipstick' walla line is repeated but on other damsel Serina (Carla Denis - one more debut) and one more murder that makes all the logics surrender.

No wonder the debut of Mustafa is so sad that if he sings 'gairo pe karam apno pe sitam'to his dad then it won't be a surprise and the unaware audience is paying the price.

A complete no no right from the word go, MACHINE has nothing to take home. It's such a big bheja boil and on top of that the music is such a snooze fest. From the cast, Kiara, Eshan Shankar, Rishabh Arora, Mayuresh Wadkar are strictly average. Even the accomplished actor like Ronit Roy fails to lift the film. Dilip Tahil and Vivek Vaswani had nothing much to do.

Surprise surprise, an Indian cop in Georgia!! Darpan Gopla (Johnny Lever) comes in to give us a breather that MACHINE may be without heart (the mystery of the title that gets revealed in a weird to the hilt climax) but certainly has a liver...bad joke. I know the movie is the same-an insane exercise on silver screen.

Scream aloud, the review is over.

(only for my love for the entertainment duo - Abbas Mustan have given and can very well give in future).

 Machine Review Rating : 
1/5 stars
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