Humour : The changes Bollywood needs in the constitution on 69th Republic Day

image used as an illustration

From the confirmation of stars love affairs to credit to the fringe, following are the changes in the Indian constitution that Bollywood needs desperately on the eve of India’s 69th Republic Day says producer, director and writer Mani Kapoor. Read further to know what the filmmaker said to a reporter in a juicy interview.

Beep Beep (no it's not our dear CBFC – Censor Board of Film Certification spoiling the fun, its adman turned lyricist Prasson Joshi now at the helm of affairs so not much fikar (bother). It’s the door- bell of blockbuster film producer Mani Kapoor.

Its evening time and Mani Kapoor has just returned from watching PADMAVAT, he opens the door. Clad in jeans, short kurta ‘star' reporter of ‘Filmy Imli’ makes a probing entry. Gazing through the surroundings first, the star reporter then offers his greetings and an interesting conversation begins over whiskey and chakli.

Star Reporter: Hello ji, sirji how are you.

Mani Kapoor : Happy, sad and angry, in one word confused. But ‘cheers’ for PADMAAVAT, it’s a visual treat and I am glad that finally it hit the marquee and is finding audience.

Star Reporter : Cheers! For that, you loved it seems, your views sir

Mani Kapoor : Yes I love it and while watching the film, I came across certain viewpoints which I would like to share.

Star Reporter : Go ahead sir, shoot. You made my day

Mani Kapoor : We need certain urgent changes/addition/amendment in our constitution.

Star Reporter: (Taken by surprise, anyhow manages to gulp his drink, recovers and asks) changes in constitution. From where is this coming, you are suppose to give views on PADMAAVAT.

Mani Kapoor : Exactly, I am coming to that and presenting a bigger picture you see. PADMAAVAT is not just a film, it has become a movement and I take this opportunity to express my views concerning the industry. This is the time we should speak on bigger matters and not just restrict ourselves in just criticizing the film, we should think beyond.

Star Reporter: speak on Sirji, my recorder is on

Mani Kapoor: Tomorrow our nation is observing its 69th Republic Day and on the eve of India’s 69th Republic Day we see fringe targeting a movie like PADMAVAAT and having their stay in certain areas. Plus our industry is indulged in rigid practices sine ages which also needs to be stopped. I am sure my recommendations are taken seriously and implemented asap.

Star Reporter : Your demands sir

Mani Kapoor : Due credit to the fringe element should be given after the opening credits of a controversial film thanking them for their support in keeping the controversy alive and making everyone busy. This will make them realize their folly and such harassments will be kept on check. At the same time the media should be directed not to take names of the fringe group while covering their vandalisms. This will create an impact.

Star Reporter: Hmmm. anything else or that’s it.

Mani Kapoor: I have just started my dear, I am a man of vision you see.

Star Reporter: Elaborate

Mani Kapoor : Filmmakers should stick to their release date and stop playing this musical chairs. Why we should be apprehensive about our colleague coming on same Friday. We should learn from those old times.

Star Reporter: Noted

Mani Kapoor: Actors, actress having an affair should confirm their status without leaving hints like we are just friends and all.

Star Reporter : Now you are after our bread and butter.

Mani Kapoor : No, you can still gossip. You will have to work on yourself.

Star Reporter : Will see. Or kya ( what else)

Mani Kapoor: Actor actresses should stop announcing their marriage and give media coverage, while the declaration of divorce should continue.

Star Reporter: What are you saying, marriage announcements results in wider coverage and reach for the publication, it generates views. Divorce announcements are done for info.

Mani Kapoor : I am talking from the audience, fan point of you. Pseudo like you are never in touch with the mind and heart of the audience, I am and that’s’ the reason my movies are blockbusters.

Star Reporter: justify your point

Mani Kapoor :It’s a known fact that a sensation like Hrithik Roshan saw a drop in his fan following after his marital status became public. It is observed that actresses after marriage fail to garner the same amount of patronage from their fans after marriage. Jealousy is an emotion inherited in every human and especially in die - hard fans this tendency is observed in abundance. Marriage announcements adds fire to the jealousy while divorce declarations serves as a healer, it creates sympathy amongst fans. If it works for the star, it works for the film, the filmmaker and for the industry in long run.

Star Reporter: Interesting, though I not completely agree.

Mani Kapoor : Your agreement doesn’t matter

Star Reporter: so what matters

Mani Kapoor : Immediate implementation of my suggestions and necessary amendments done in the constitution.

Star Reporter : You have nothing more to add on this.

Mani Kapoor : There are other crucial things needed to be done by the government. I am a respectable citizen of India, who has the brain to pay his taxes from the money earned by his no brainers. I am not a fringe element who only knows how to pressurize the authorities with their unworthy demands. The above suggestions are enough for a year. I hope by the end of 2018 the desired changes are done by the government in the constitution for the betterment of the industry and public in general.

Star Reporter : If doesn’t happens then.

Mani Kapoor : Karam hi mera dharam hai, ( my duty is my responsibility) – will announce JOLLY LLB 3 on the eve of 26 January 2019 starring a mega star and he will spearhead the movement of the said amendment in the constitution on screen. Happy Republic Day to you.

Star Reporter : A very Happy Republic Day to you also sir. Cheers!!

( Disclaimer : The above write up is a light hearted take and is a figment of imagination of the author, the website does not hold any responsibility)