Baywatch Movie Review
OH GOD - this is complete shallow, hard to swallow. A perfect example when to use the exclamation OMG and keep on chanting it for more than an hour without any interruption, Seth Gordon's (HORRIBLE BOSSES) directed BAYWATCH - the big screen adaptation of the popular boobs, butts and biceps TV series of the 90's is an absolute nadir that destroys the talent of our precious 'desi girl' Priyanka Chopra.
BAYWATCH MOVIE POSTER
Based on those sexy life guards protecting the California beaches, the popular series of the 90's starred the classic sex bomb of those times - Pamela Anderson and the hunk David Hasselhoff, this one by Seth Gordon is a complete rumble grumble even for those who have a taste for such creepy craps. What to expect from a movie that uses a dead man's genitals for laughs in the name of investigation and that too without gloves - a scene shows Matt Brody (Zac Efron) inspecting a dead body and wait we already had Ronnie (Jon Bass) in a scene where he is struggling to free his private parts out of a beach chair.
So what is Priyanka Chopra doing in this goofy, crappy world? Well she is the glam vamp Victoria Leeds you see, running a drugs-and-real estate mafia on the Californian shores (aww what a bore) in an avatar that is nothing but a caricature and eeek!! Did the bee bite her lips.. we see? real fans of Pee Cee - plz don't see.
Anyways coming to the thickening, sickening and boring plot where Victoria (Priyanka Chopra) is running her empire and the team of life guards led by Mitch Buchannon (Dwayne Johnson) is supposed to investigate and expose her. An ex-sports champ Matt Brody (Zac Efron), now struggling with a drinking problem is the new intern with another disaster Kelly Rohrbach replaced as C.J Parker, plus there is Ronnie played by Jon Bass who has his moment in that dance (the only sane moment in this 116 minutes insane exercise) and one by the name Alexandra Daddario has also joined the team as the replacement for Summer Quinn - from where are these ladies coming? If glass figures running in red swim suit in slow -motion is the only criteria then less said is better.
With our CBFC in top form, BAYWATCH get further ridiculed by abrupt ending and I am told gags have been mercilessly slashed and I kept on wondering how come the gag on a man's private parts got cleared. Weird.
From the cast Dwayne Johnson is as usual while Zac Efron tries hard, Jon Bass is fine, David Hasselhoff comes in the year's most disappointing cameo and it's not his fault, the makers are to be blamed for this disastrous special appearance. The vintage 'Ohh La la' quotient Pamela Anderson makes an appearance in white in the end and I thought it's the ghost of Parker wondering what's happening at the beach.
And last but not the least, our precious Priyanka Chopra's most touted Hollywood big screen debut as a vamp after leaving a terrific impact in the QUANTICO series in this sheer disparaging on screen adaptation is highly regrettable and comes with loads of AITRAAZ (objection).
BAYWATCH is nothing but a strong testimony on how far a studio can go in 'water' for 'mass' consumption and crazy cash grabs.
Stay away from this BAY
- Actor: Dwayne Johnson, Zac Efron, Priyanka Chopra, Alexandra Daddario, David Hasselhoff and Cody Martin
- Director: Seth Gordon
- Music Director: Christopher Lennertz
- Release Date : 02 Jun 2017